


letting go

by kistachies (hqkaiden)



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen, somewhat happy ending?, sungjin isnt as sad at the end. so., warning: this has to do w/ junhyeok leaving ://
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-05 02:52:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6686230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hqkaiden/pseuds/kistachies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sungjin needs to let go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	letting go

**Author's Note:**

> is it too early to write about this? probably  
> but i still don't regret iT
> 
> so. i was (am) junhyeok biased and im still v v sad abt him leaving but i'd rather him be out of the group and be happy than in the group & not happy yk yk 
> 
> aaaA i love sungjin too im sorry someone had to suffer in this he doesnt deserve it u all have permission to kcik me
> 
> aLSO HAPPY BIRTHDAY WONPIL 
> 
> scream at me on twitter: @ jisungsluv

concerts without junhyeok are weird.

they aren’t the same. never will be, actually. sungjin knows this. jae knows it; younghyun, wonpil, and dowoon, too. even so, it still makes it a bit difficult for sungjin to perform as well as he wanted to--makes it a bit difficult for him to feel as bright as his own smile. he couldn’t help but continuously glance to the left, where junhyeok and his keyboard used to be. (should be.) it places a dull pain in his chest, leaving him in slight discomfort the entire night.

they finish the last song, and bow over and over, waving as they make their way off stage. as soon as he sets foot backstage, the staff are congratulating them, along with a few sunbaes that came to watch them perform. although sungjin smiles and thanks them, their words just make the pain in his chest worsen.

_‘you’ll get used to it,’ they said._

_‘no,’_ he thinks bitterly. _‘i really won’t get used to this.’_

sungjin and jae have stayed up many-a-nights, talking everything over. they’ve talked about how different things’ll be; how strange it’ll feel to record without hearing junhyeok belt out wobbly notes in between sessions. how strange it will feel, introducing their first ever comeback album, but with one less member.

 _‘who’ll introduce the sixth song?’ wonpil asked one night, late when they were still at the company, practicing for what felt like the 300th time. other members avoided the question for a few moments, and instead opted for adjusting their instruments and whatnot. sungjin set his guitar down._  

_‘we’ll take turns, pirimiri,’ he answered. and that was that._

(little do they know, that question haunted him even till today, all the way into his dreams.)

 

-

 

after getting past the herd of people, sungjin finds the five of them in a dressing room, drowning in a sea of silence. dowoon is the first to speak out.

"you did good tonight, hyungs," he mutters on his way to get a water bottle. everyone mumbles back some slurred-together words, either too tired or too deep in their thoughts (although, maybe sungjin was the only one who was like that right now).

there’s been this sort of unspoken rule that’s fallen upon the group: no one is to talk about junhyeok, nor his departure. apparently, this rule doesn’t apply tonight, because that’s the next thing that’s said. 

“it’s weird doing a concert without hyung,” wonpil whispers. this statement, unlike the previous one, gets an actual reply.

“there was so much space on stage, it felt way too empty,” younghyun says. the other 3 nod in agreement. conversation continues between them all, most of junhyeok and everything related. sungjin stays quiet; he’s too busy trying to ignore the pain in his chest, that only gets stronger with every mention of _him._

 

not much later, they are finally on their way back to the dorms, their instruments being abandoned at the company’s building. (they’ll worry about those later, anyway. sleep’s the number one thing on their minds right now.) wonpil and dowoon are both asleep in seconds, and jae and younghyun keep quiet conversation between themselves, sharing earbuds.  

sungjin sighs and takes out his phone, aiming to scroll through instagram. however, after he spends five minutes looking for said app, he remembers that he deleted it. right. he looks for his earbuds, but to no avail. sungjin just gives up, and leans his head against the window to watch the road pass by. 

sungjin isn’t far from dozing off, when a hand touches his arm. he turns around, sees jae passed out, and younghyun looking at him.

“you don’t want to try to sleep a bit, younghyun?” he murmured.

younghyun shakes his head. “nah.” sungjin nods. the silence continues for a few minutes, before younghyun speaks up.

“hyung…?"

“yeah?”

“i... i really miss junhyeok.” sungjin closes his eyes. ah; this is what's bothering him.

“me too, younghyun. me too.” 

“we’ll be okay, right?”

“of course. maybe not right now, but soon. i promise.” younghyun accepts the answer and sits back, putting his earbud back in.

(but for the fourth time that night, sungjin finds the pain in his chest to be worse than ever.)

 

-

 

once the group made their way home, everyone kicks off their shoes and goes to their own rooms, telling each other their _goodnight_ ’s as they did. however, sungjin catches jae’s arm as he walks by. 

“i think i’m going to go the studio or practice room, and work a bit, okay?” he says. jae looks at him with the most puzzled look.

“why? it’s like, 2:30 am. don’t you want to sleep?” he asks.

“honestly, i don’t think i can.”

jae nods. “gotcha. okay. be safe, and don’t stay out too late.”

sungjin just hums, puts on his shoes once again, and grabs a few things before walking out the apartment and into the cool night’s air.

 

their dorm wasn’t too far from studio j; just enough for one to enjoy a calming walk on the way there. except, sungjin is anything but calm, with so many thoughts and things he wishes he had said and would have said, and so _so_ many things he shouldn’t have said, and it all feels too confusing. he speeds up his pace.

once the building comes into sight, sungjin breaks into a sprint. he stops at the door, and picks up his guitar and amp--he’ll come back for the other instruments later. except, when he has a hand on the front door, he pauses. looking over the boxes, sungjin counts one too many. he goes to the one he _knows_ they didn’t have at the showcase and opens it. its junhyeok’s keyboard.

sungjin forgets how to breath. _why is that there? why is that there. it shouldn’t_ **_be_ ** _there._ despite it, and without much thought to it, he takes the keyboard inside with him.

sungjin nods and smiles to the secretary sitting at the desk, who gives him a strange look, but nevertheless waves and smiles back. he goes back and forth from the practice room to the lobby, until all the instruments are in their usual places and he finally feels the fatigue seeping into his muscles.

he slides down against the door and sighs. sungjin can’t remember a time when he was ever this tired--emotionally, mentally, or physically. slowly, gradually, his eyes drift to the one instrument he didn’t place in its spot. he, without thinking, goes over to it and takes it out, setting it up by muscle memory. (he’d always put the keyboard together, when junhyeok wasn’t feeling well enough to do it himself.)

but, when he checks in the case to make sure he has everything, he spots something. it’s a piece of paper, folded. He picks it up, and opens it. It has writing on it, that looks like chicken scratch, and sungjin wouldn’t hesitate to guess that jae wrote it in scribbly hangul. but after a closer look, he recognizes it as junhyeok’s. (its by the way he curves his writing.)

he abandons the keyboard, in favor of plopping on the floor to read what the paper says.

he immediately regrets it.

 

it’s lyrics. and now that sungjin thinks, _really_ thinks, about it, he remembers that junhyeok was diligently writing something during his last few days with them.  they’re familiar. they’re the lyrics of ‘letting go’. oh. (and the pains in his chest are almost unbearable.)

so this is where younghyun and wonpil got the lyrics from.

 

_I got something to say, let’s meet up_

_Now we sit silent, f_ _acing each other_

_I keep thinking in my head_

_Should I say this or not_

_Although I don’t want to_

 

_I’d been holding on to you for so long_

_But now I must let go_

_There’s nothing I can do for you_

_It’s the only way to make you happy_

_So I let go, let go, let go_

 

sungjin breathes out a shaky breath, and keeps reading.

 

_So you can smile someday_

_So you can be happy_

_I remember our good times_

_The days of laughter and fun_

_Memories ever so precious_

_Fill up inside me_

_Although I don’t want to_

 

this must be the breaking point, because he lets out the most body-wracking sob of his life. sungjin stops holding back. he lets himself cry, and there’s so much relief flowing through him now, but so much pain as well, and it’s overwhelming. he's doing this ugly kind of crying, where the tears keep flowing and he’s got too much air in his lungs so he’s hiccuping after every wail. the sobs are full force, and send his body shaking, back and forth, back and forth.

sungjin holds the paper close to his chest, and his cries--like his thoughts--are of junhyeok. of him and for him and about him, and just _him_ . sungjin cries while thinking about how much junhyeok suffered; but he also cries while thinking about the times when they were okay. he and junhyeok were making music, and they were happy; they were the closest friends and could’ve been something more, if they wished. ( _could’ve_.)

 

sungjin doesn't know what time it is, once he’s calmed down. he _does_ know that the exhaustion is now flowing all throughout him, and he could definitely sleep for a few days. he gets up, puts the keyboard back in its case, folds the paper, and places it with the instrument. he shuts off the lights in the practice room, and walks to the lobby. he stops and gets himself a drink from the vending machine. on his way out, he waves to the secretary.

sungjin opens his phone--its clock reads 5:02 AM (he cried for 2 hours). he types out a message:

 

_to: imnaldo_

 

_thank you._

 

he hits _'send'_ without a second thought.

  
sungjin starts walking back to the dorms. the cool, early morning air of seoul surrounds him, and fills his lungs. finally.

 

he can breathe.


End file.
